Jaipur

Five years ago I was blessed to be able to join the festivities of an Indian wedding in Jaipur, Rajasthan. The party lasted four nights with the final ceremony in the Maharajah's palace. The decorations were elaborate with chrysanthemum hung walls around marble terraces. And the food, I will always remember the food. Night after night, day after day, vegetarian spreads of several curries marbled with clarified butter fat to be eaten with a freshly made whole wheat flat bread. Spicy, but not too spicy, the tasty sensations captivated me.

For five years I have dreamed of that food and now I have the immense pleasure of enjoying it again. Same family, same town, but this time it is an engagement ceremony. All the elaborateness is still there just the ceremony is missing. Oh delicious spicy fatty savory sweetness of uncomprehendablly delicious combinations how I love thee. This is also the first time all twenty plus members of this particular family have ever been together at once. Everything is lovely and fabulous. Sort of. With such a dramatic family event will obviously come some drama and the characters in this particular family are keen to play the games. So here is the gossip.

The occasion is an engagement so all the overzealous matchmaking mothers and aunties get super excited and cause problems by starting rumors and blowing whatever they can out of proportion. There is a generational conflict involved as well that I think fuels the flames or at least increases the stress levels. The parents, for the most part, are in arranged marriages where their parents held the power and the final word when it came to choosing their partner. The current marrying age generation, at least in this family, has managed to assert themselves, both boys and girls, and marry who they like. This engagement is no exception coming from a love affair that has lasted for four years with a stubborn daughter refusing to back down to her fathers objections. I pried a bit but no one was making a big deal of it, probably a good thing, and attention was focused elsewhere. All the eligible ones are put on the spot and prodded about their marrying possibilities.

In particular, my Indian friend Kartini, and her Australian boyfriend, Scott, were the subject of such discussion. Prior to this visit Kartini spent weeks delicately breaking the news to her father that she is seriously dating this Australian boy and thus their very substantial relationship was acknowledged. Kartini's mother, Rimi, took this as clear enough evidence that they would be getting engaged. So, when Kartini and Scott arrived immediately after an undoubtedly emotional reunion (they had been living in different countries for six months prior) the first thing they were greeted with were congratulations. Scott though it was for his PHD work but in fact the whole family had been wrongly informed that they were to be married. Outraged and outdone, Kartini pulled her mother behind closed doors and shared a fantastically tearful conversation demanding, first, some respect, and second that her engagement be officially recalled. And so it was. Good effort Rimi but you are just going to have to wait a bit longer for that one.

Karini has an older sister, Riki who arrived before her. Riki didn't bring any boys with her but Rimi was kind enough to ask, in front of a crowd of family members, if she had any plans to get married. Awkwardness seeped into the room signaling for everyone to leave the mother and daughter for some one on one. Riki has been dating Cathleen for four years now and recently had a confidence breakthrough becoming more secure about her homosexuality. So, when the room was cleared, Riki collected herself and told her mother everything, and that was that. Rimi at least had suspicions and was prepared to some extent. Riki's father, on the other hand, only gets to know that she isn't getting married yet. That makes two strikes for Rimi. It has been a tough few days for her but she is a fabulous woman and takes it all in perfect stride.

Everyone seemed to be getting sick. Scott was sick, Kartini, Riki, these other people were sick too. The groom, who was sneezing, says it is because the local water is has so many minerals. Fortunately for me I grew up with Fresno well water and was nicely adapted. Rimi has been medicating everyone with batches of zinc and orange juice with fantastic results. Cousin Nanu could be seen taking half a dozen pills to cure something exotic. Remedies are everywhere. Uncle was quite sick as well. He is a brave man who traveled around Europe for four years starting at the age of 18 with only five hundred bucks in his pocket. He was bringing his American wife and two teenage daughters to India for the first time and the wife's family was giving him hell for it. They accused him of needlessly endangering his children by bringing them to a war zone. Remember the recent terrorist shootings? Of course you do. He described the week before coming as the most stressful week of his life. Even the eldest daughter, who is presently submitting college applications, got a stomach ulcer from all the turmoil. In the end the correct decision was made and after a brief period of adjustment, comfort and fun has become the norm for all.

And then there is me. Since I'm only a friend I don't get to participate in family craziness, unless I did something stupid to offend people. I probably just don't hear all the gossip about me. Actually, I am a little disappointed there were zero attempts to match me up with daughters. Don't the elders think I am a catch enough? My ego is tarnished. Instead, my drama is far removed from the scene here. I am terribly love sick having realized that what I now want is the girl I left behind and who is no longer mine. In the brief moments I can stand to the side and look in objectively I can see that I am nothing unique, just another casualty of love, one among countless others. “Welcome to the club,” I was congratulated by a good friend. But from the inside, it is the whole world.